Rob Pattinson Now Reduced

Rob Pattinson Now ReducedMen are chasing after Robert Pattinson. The Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy continues! Megan Fox might be clinically insane. Paula Abdul definitely is, as are most British People. And Jon Gosselin still sucks. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!
Robert Pattinson’s life must suck. Seriously. Don’t his “fans” get it? He’s not going to sleep with them, he has nothing interesting to say to them, and he probably doesn’t even understand the appeal of Twilight over Harry Potter, especially since there was subtext that Cedric Diggory was digging out at Hogwarts in Goblet of Fire…said someone to me who read the book. Anyway! Men are beginning to approach him and it’s very evident that he’s straight and doesn’t care to be an object of affection to two sexes of manic psychopaths. Stephanie Meyer, you’re to blame for Pattinson’s life of being forsaken. You’re like Camus,Christian Louboutinin control of real people. Subtext: you need to kill Edward Cullen so Pattinson can live in peace. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling: when you bringing Potter out of retirement? [Showbiz Spy]
Lady Gaga BlaBla Alert: She has a vibrator and she Must. Alert. The Presses. One line about this constitutes an item in a British gossip tabloid. Truly: they suck. Also, more about the Lady Gaga Penis Conspiracy. She’s now saying that her vagina is offended that people would think there’s a penis there. Of course her vagina would be offended, says someone. It’s feigning indignation to cover for the truth. [The Sun and Showbiz Spy]
The New York Daily News busts out their top economists to determine that Jon Gosselin’s irresponsible spending could leave him destitute one day! Well, yes, but then again, you can onlyed hardy Shirtspurchase so many Ed Hardy shirts and host so many Vegas pool parties before the universe decides to forsake typical procedure and suck you through a black hole of existence from being a complete assface and maybe you’ll come out on the other side wanting to consider a way to live a life your children will not completely hate you for once they get to high school, and especially, college? Whichever one goes to a liberal arts college might come home one day and stab him in a non-mortal wounding way. [NYDN]
British people are kooky. They’re still indulging their Orwellian fetishes with Big Brother,rs goldthe shitshow that puts a bunch of crazies in a house and makes them oust one another until someone’s left and the producers can then give them money to fuck up their life and perpetrate the show’s brand. And now, another one. Apparently, the “winner” of Big Brother 10, Sophie, is going to take the scratch and use it on a “massive boob job.” Massive? “Go bigger? Why not, just for a change, go massive.” Well, there you have it: massive. Also, she wants a “designer vagina.” In other news, I can feel my spinal fluid. [Mirror]
Khloejordans shoesKardashian, famous for being the sister of Kim, who’s famous for having a large arse, is now dating the L.A. Lakers’ Lamar Odom. Odom won an NBA championship last season, if you’ll remember. This season, he’ll win brain damage through his cock.